Somewhere many of us got the notion that it wasn’t cool to acknowledge being better than someone for the sake seeming humble or, simply not wanting to brag. My view is just the opposite: I say that we need to get in the habit of being confident in where we shine in comparison to others, because it helps us be more skillful in navigating life. For instance, If I know I’ve consistently been the top seller at my firm, it should give me the confidence to demand a raise. If graduated at the top of my class, it would be reasonable for me to expect a high paying job, the same way I should expect the title of MVP if I outperformed every other athlete in my field.
The same goes for relationships, we should know when we are better in certain areas than the person we’re with, in order to assess how and when to take crucial steps. For example, whereas there is no harm in being better than a mate in areas like decorating or dancing, outshining your partner in finances might cause a sizable rift. Of course there are always exceptions, but there are just some things that you should not be better at in a relationship. I’ve listed a few of them here…..
- Are you Better At Telling The Truth? This should absolutely be a deal-breaker and a reason to show your lover the door. Not telling the truth includes, lies of omission—when a person casually leaves out details or doesn’t offer up vital information that they know would violate trust if they shared, i.e. “You just assumed I was with my boys, if you would’ve asked I would’ve told you I was with Iesha, but we wasn’t doing nothing anyway!” Um…….yeah, right! Manipulators fall under this category too—you know, those people who try and twist things around to make you think you’re crazy when you call them out on things that they do. If you’re with someone like this, you’re probably too good for them and should consider moving on!
- Are You Better at Saying I’m Sorry? This is a big one and screams of narcissist. You know those people who can never admit when they’re wrong, take advice, or listen, but instead, love to point out why you’re irrational for how you feel. Or worse yet, people who only have the ability to act contrite (they try to apologize with gifts, or out of the ordinary behavior like cleaning and being extra nice, etc.) but they can never actually say the words “I apologize” or, “I was wrong”. This behavior, persisted over time, will definitely get tiresome for the recipient. If you’re with someone like this, you may be too good for them. If you’re better in this area, consider moving on!
- Are You Better at Being Faithful? This would seem like a no-brainer, but, surprisingly for many people it isn’t. Since infidelity tends to breed feelings of insecurity, anger, depression, and jealousy in the non-offending partner, I rank it as a deal-breaking offense. If you’re faithful and your partner isn’t, you might be too good for them—seriously, and they likely won’t change. Do yourself a favor and leave.
- Are You Better at Communication? If as an adult your partner still doesn’t know how to verbalize their feelings, they bottle up your emotions and shut down when upset, or worse, they resorts to name calling, yelling, or screaming—you seriously need to wave the white flag! Nothing worse than being with someone who has the communication of a child in the body of and adult.
- Are You better at setting and reaching goals? Sadly, too many couples get hitched on to mates who don’t share their level of ambition, or, who lack the skills needed to get goals accomplished. To some this may seem like a workable difference, but incompatibility in this area over time will likely frustrate/stagnate the better mate, causing resentment. Best to recognize this early and leave.
- Are You better at showing love? Showing love is a tricky proposition– it requires vulnerability and effort on both parts. Being with a mate who can’t or won’t show affection, disregards quality time, can’t speak the words “I love you”, or who fails to discover how you experience love, despite the fact that on the contrary, you do offer those things, can make for one heartbreaking relationship. If this sounds like your relationship status, it might be time for you to move on.
- Are You Better at Going All In? If you’ve been together for years, but he/she still won’t marry you; you’re his girlfriend but not on any of his social media sites; he/she still has friends you don’t know about; he/she frequently leaves the room to take calls– all these things are signs that your mate is not fully invested. Take the hint while you can and leave!