“No New Friends!” 7 Reasons to Reconsider!

Now-a-days, it’s a common phrase to hear, “no new friends”, especially since the rapper Drake made it popular in a song by the same title.  I have to be honest and admit that although I’ve heard people repeat this saying dozens of times, I only recently listened to the song.  The lyrics, which are somewhat too explicit to post here, basically make tell of how new friends aren’t wanted or needed, because they can’t compare to, or be as loyal as, old ones; and I get it!  The friends we’ve had since childhood, middle and high school, and even into college, are some of the strongest bonds– with people outside of our family– that some of us will ever have.

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These are the people who’ve seen us at our worst and we at theirs; we’ve argued and sometimes even fought with them, yet, still the friendship remains.  These are the relationships that are tried and tested and have been proven to last over time.  We don’t have this type of certainty with new friends—fresh bonds, when compared to our time honored ones, are the equivalent of what happens when we fall in love—everything is all fireworks and fancy at first, but with no guarantees it will last.

So I get it–why so many people have hopped onto, or were already riding the “no new friends” train!  Figuratively speaking, the costs are low and it makes for a hell of a comfortable ride.  I just question if the destination at the end of that journey is taking us to the most desirable place?

 

Here are 7 reasons why you should reconsider having “no new friends” today!

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  1. ChangeAnyone who’s had friends that they’ve known since childhood can probably relate: old friends, especially ones who grew up together, may share the same tree root, but tend to branch out into totally different directions over time.  Sometimes weathering such a shift is uneventful, in other instances, however, it can cause a breakdown in the relationship, if not a complete rift.

How new friends can help:  New friends are special because they accept you for the person you are today, without any of the pressures and expectations of how you “used” to be, what you “used” to do, or how you “used” to move. Essentially, new friends, because they don’t have the reference of your past, are great for cultivating the grown-up you.

  1. Personal Growth: Something I’ve been learning so much about lately is how relationships– whether that be a marriage, a mother/child dynamic, or a friendship– are every bit about helping us grow as people. Having to be patient with another person, keep your word, be honest, forgive, and get forgiven, are all things that develop our character and make us more self aware.

How New Friends can help?  We’re human, and as such, we have a tendency to fall victim to habit and familiarity.  We sometimes have a way of moving and acting around our old friends that may be totally unacceptable outside of that circle, but that is still tolerated by them because they’ve known you so long.  New friends give a fresh perspective and more current gauge of where we stand on the good human scale.

  1. Opportunities.As long as we live, there are going to be gate-keepers—those who hold the keys to doors we need opened, have vital information that can help us, and can make inroads for us that we couldn’t pave on our own.

How New Friends can helpIt’s simple math—expanding your circle increases your chances of meeting people who not only can, but, are willing to give you that recommendation, make that referral for you, and connect you with the right people because they know and like you; and because you are, after all, their friend!

  1. You might find a gem! All it takes is just a basal knowledge of geology to know that there are more rocks in the world than gems, nonetheless, there still countless rare finds to uncover.

How New Friends helpJust being open to meeting new people and the possibility of sparking friendships, increases your odds of finding that person who you couldn’t otherwise imagine your life, and friendship circle, without.

  1. Interests: In today’s culture, there are no shortage of opportunities to get out and have a good time; not to mention the things like hobbies, philanthropical passions, and personal pursuits we embark upon throughout the years. There are times when our tried and true besties and long time home-girls will share our interests, or, at the very least, accompany us on some of our ventures as a show of support.  Other times, however, we’re left to either do those things solo, or, forgo–not wanting to take the journey alone.

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How New Friends can helpWith over six billion people on the planet, chances are there is someone (more likely a lot of “someones”) who like, if not love, the same things as you.  Of those, you run a high risk of not only finding people who share your interests, but individuals that you also actually like.  It becomes a win for all parties because you get to do things you really enjoy with people who are likeminded, without having to inconvenience your old friends.

  1. It’s a reflection of you.Just think about it, if you are saying that you can’t allow new friends into your circle because most people (except the one in your small circle) basically suck, then that would have to include you. You too would have to be among the odds of sucky people to anyone just meeting you.

How New Friends helpNew friends reaffirm that there are indeed still good, honest, solid people in the world who make life better because they’re in it—hopefully you are still one of them!

  1. It’s not always about you. Let’s face it, we live a very materialistic, narcissistic, “it’s all about me,” society—egged on by the bombardment of social media and our rampant virtual access. What that has created is a culture where we can see violence and stand by to record it (instead of help), where people film and publicize their most private moments for fame (and we watch it), and where half of the country turns a blind eye to injustice (because it’s not happening to them).

How New friends helpWhile points 1-6 deal with the benefits one receives from embarking on new friendships, what can’t be overlooked, is what one can potentially give.  Just think of how a younger person could benefit from your wisdom, or how a you could be a lifesaver to that girl at work who’s just moved to the city and has yet to make friends .  Befriending someone who needs it takes you out of “me zone”by giving you the opportunity to pour into others some of the things that others have previously given to you.  It allows you to be the goodness needed in a selfish world!

Don’t be shy– tell us why you are or aren’t open to the idea of making new friends and your experiences, good and bad!   We want to hear from you……..

 

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34 thoughts on ““No New Friends!” 7 Reasons to Reconsider!

  1. If all I had were old friends I’d have no friends at all. I struggled to be social in high school, and I had moved across an ocean from the ones I had before that. I still struggle, but there are so many good people out there. I am also surprised to find that some of my more solid adult friendships are with people with whom I have very little in common.

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    1. I get it! I was in the same boat, had I not opened myself up to new friendships I’d have been one lonely chick as all my old friends were far away. So glad that you are finding your way through the struggle– its the same for even the friendliest of us so just know you’re not alone!

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  2. Great thoughts!!! I made two of my best friends about 3 years ago. I was always someone who didn’t want new friends but then I realized that you never know when you will meet someone that you instantly connect with!

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  3. I agree with you completely! Saying “no new friends” is really setting yourself up for limitation, and it’s setting a bad example for future generations… It just furthers the whole clique mentality-we should all strive to make new friends, meet new people, and at least be kind and caring and even friendly with everyone we meet (within reason). Sure, I have great friend bonds going back to childhood/high school, but I’ve also made new friends in the last ten years that I’m just as adamantly bonded too. Coworkers, college class mates, people I’ve met through volunteering or mom groups… These people are just as important to my social circle.

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    1. Wow, it sounds like you have a very full and rich life because you have filled it with many great relationships. I love it. But, what people don’t realize and the entire point of this post, is that you had to be open to that. Because you put yourself out there, you’ve been able to add to the solid friendships you already had, and now you have an amazing circle of friends. Kudos to you!

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  4. I am always open to meeting new friends because I believe that you can always learn something new from them and you gain new friends as you go along in life. Like work friends, bride friends to mom friends. They all have a special place in your life. But I never forget my bond with my childhood friends who I can always count on whenever as they are the type of friend that even if we haven’t seen each other in a long time nothing changes and that is the best kind of friendship!

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    1. Very true. It’s cool to have friends for different things in your life– absolutely. Plus, you are spot on about our old friends. They just know us! No matter how many new people come into our lives, our old friends can never be replaced! Thank you

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  5. Great points! I wish I had some old friends with lifelong bonds but don’t, so my last few years have been devoted to trying to find new friends. It’s very hard after 30! But this is good inspiration to keep trying.

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    1. You are not lying. After 30 it is definitely hard making new friends because girls can be so clique-y. By that age, people have already formed their friend circles and aren’t as willing to let newbies in. Try finding local groups in your area that are doing things you enjoy. Most times people in those groups are more open to new friendships because that’s the entire reason why they join. Also be patient. I spent years before I met and made some new friends that were “keepers”. I’m wishing brilliant friendships sooner than later!

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  6. This is such a nice post and I really enjoyed reading this. I do love making new friends I do that most of the time especially when I am traveling I am not going to live the place without having a new friend or friends.

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    1. Yes, if you’re in a new city it’s crucial to make a friend or two. I’ve known people who flounder living away from home because they don’t ever get out and socialize, and as a result, they don’t make any friends. These don’t even have to become your BEST friends, but everyone needs people to hang out with from time to time– even if its just a buddy co-worker! Thanks for your input!

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  7. I struggle with the maintenance of new and old friends. Do I call and check in enough? Or, should we be hanging out more? Where do I find new friends? I love meeting people, but my starting point is one I am working on and making time to be a good friend is also something I’ll like to improve. I love this post!

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    1. Amendela I am often in the same boat as you. I know I don’t call enough, and I think about my friends, both old and new, probably more than I reach out, so I also need to do better with that. Thankfully, I have been able to secure a tight enough bond with my really good friends that they know, time lapsed doesn’t mean love lost, and we pick up right where we left off. As far as where to start making friends, I think just doing more things you love will put you into more spaces to meet people, and from there just be friendly, spark conversation– you’ll be surprised at how you can hit off with someone with just a simple convo. I’m definitely wishing you the best!

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  8. This has such truth! We do live in a very narcissistic society where people actually believe that everything is about them. Not only do we need new friends, new friends need us!

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    1. OMG!!! YES. That last line, I’m living for it. People need what we have to give as much as we need love, companionship and friendship from others. Life is circular, not linear– what we give, we receive and vice versa. Thank you for that!!!

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  9. Thank you for this post! I have definitely said no to new friends a few times, but I will be moving to a new state soon. This gives me all the more reason to find a new group! 🙂

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    1. Lol, I’ve said it too. I was really hurt by a few new friends a few years back when I thought our friendship was more solid than it was, so I was like, “I quit!” But, I had to realize that everyone is not a forever friend, they were apart of my journey, just not going all the way! Here’s to you finding and meeting some fabulous people on the next leg of your life adventure!

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  10. As we go through life we change daily.. Each day is a new day! We must embrace life and all the of the changes. I have learned that we “out grow” friends.
    I have had friends that are still in the same situation 20 years ago! If I am not growing I am not living! I love meeting new women/men because we can learn from everyone. Even a child! Love your blog!

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    1. Yes we absolutely can and do outgrow friends and that is apart of the process as well. Some people aren’t going on the entire journey with us, but we can be thankful for the part of the ride they did take with us. That’s why opening ourselves up (in a wise way) to new people and experiences is so great, because it keeps giving us opportunities to love an be loved. Thanks Mama!

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  11. Using discernment, I’m open to new friends. Here’s why I say that: friends, new or old, not everyone has your back, not everyone wants to see you succeed, not everyone wants to help you they want to help themselves. I do agree that new friends can help you grow and open your eyes and ears to learning something new and vice versa. I’m open to receiving new friends but my eyes are open wider.

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    1. Very wise way to approach it and I wholeheartedly agree. The key is to be open, but you’re right, we absolutely need to be smart about it. Everyone can’t and won’t know how to be our friend and some folks are just toxic!

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