Do You NEED a Husband? 10 Reasons Why the Answer Might be YES!

Is “singleness” a thing?  And by thing, I mean, in the same vain as how people take pride in, let’s say, being stylish, or tech savvy, or entrepreneurial maybe?  It’s been something I’ve wondered for the past several years, as I’ve encountered more and more women who seem to rally behind this notion of being either single and proud, single and satisfied, single and not looking, or single but taken, etc, etc,.  Once, I even watched (in horror) a religious ceremony posted on Facebook of a church full of African-American women getting married, symbolically, to Jesus.  Almost in disbelief, I wondered to myself just how many of those women actually had husbands in real life, since it is a well-documented statistic that in black churches, single women overwhelmingly dominate the pews (http://www.pewforum.org/religious-landscape-study/gender-composition/).

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Now, I realize there is a time in a woman’s life where it is quite natural to enjoy an era of independence and self exploration without the added pressures of a man, (i.e, young adult years, during the college years, and even up till one’s thirties), as some studies say the brain is not even fully developed until age 25, so these single periods make logical sense (https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=3051).   I also understand that there are circumstances where women may need the mental solitude of being alone, like after a divorce or following the death of a spouse.  On the contrary though, what is not so clear to me is how many women still sing the praises of being a party of one, even when the end results are not advantageous.

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Of course, some will say, “well not all people are able to get married”, a statement I admit holds much weight.  In addition to the barriers listed above, other circumstances, (i.e., having a medical issue like cancer or a non-curable viral disease like herpes or HIV, having to care for elderly parents, suffering from mental instability, or grappling with a troubled or unruly child/ren, etc..), can surely make finding a desirable mate a formidable task.

Even still, that leaves a whole other category of women who do in fact have great potential for the trajectory of marriage, but who fail to pursue it (whether casually, or aggressively), because they don’t prioritize marriage as being a need.  So, I figured I’d address it: why marriage is not only beneficial, but crucial to a woman’s (especially African American women’s) well being, in an attempt to change this manner of thinking today!  Here are 10 solid reasons to consider:

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  1. You want to have children and you’re not getting any younger!Yes, all females have it—that annoying little thing inside of us called a “biological clock”, that ticks very loudly, probably starting around age 25.  By thirty, if we still haven’t had any children, this clock can suddenly thunder; after, say, 35, it may damn-near roar! Now, if you’re one of the sharper pencils in the bunch, you might be screaming this right about now, “nobody needs a husband to have a child!” and you’d be right—technology has sure come far.  I’d still be remiss to not point out the glitches in going the husband-less baby-making route, which I lay out for you in reason #2.
  2. You want to have children AND give them a head start! “Breast milk whenever possible is best, read and sing to your baby even in the womb, have your child get enough sleep, make sure all their basic needs are met to promote healthy attachments and mental development,”- these are all instructions at which most new mothers would never balk, because the research backs up it up. Well, what if I told you there is just as much evidence that children raised in a household by their biological parents fare better than those who don’t, cognitively, socially and economically.  Look it up, it’s true! (https://living.thebump.com/data-single-parent-vs-dual-parent-households-15860.html)pexels-photo-1128316-2
  3. You Have Children from a Previous Relationship! In #2, the point was made for the advantages of a child being raised by their biological parents, but there is also much to be said for simply having a Dad in the home if there are children there, regardless to whether or not the children are biologically his.  For example, a healthy man has the potential to bring with him discipline, structure, added financial resources, and stability.  When added to the nurture, compassion, love and sensitivity, typically provided by the woman, this combination can bring much balance into the home.  It would only makes sense then, that a child raised in such an environment would reap the benefits of that equilibrium, thus affording them the propensity to be more well-rounded and self adjusted as well.
  4. You want to put yourself in a better financial situation! Why is it that married couples earn more in their lifetime than single people? Is the answer obvious?  Many would immediately guess it’s because of the potential for dual incomes—and that would definitely be a part of it.  But, more than that, there is another benefit that is glaring.  With two people, there is always another person in the mix who could pick up the financial load, if say, one of the two gets sick, decides to go back to school, wants to start a business, loses a job, or needs to stay home and care for a child or parent.  Most importantly, marriage provides individuals with certain legal guarantees, advantages, and safety nets that are just not afforded to their single counterparts.
  5. You’re Lonely! Is this a no-brainer, or, is companionship being a reason for marriage an antiquated theme? For the sake of this article, let’s go with the former option.  We are social creatures who thrive off of daily communion with those we care about and love.  A spouse gives this in the highest form.pexels-photo-936087
  6. You want to have sex on a regular basis! Although having a spouse is not a full proof guarantee, it most definitely lowers your chances of getting sexually transmitted diseases, lower’s your sexual body count, and allows you to be intimate with someone with whom you can grow with and trust.
  7. You Want to Grow as a Person! Marriage in itself consists of living your life in a manner that requires constant compromise, a willingness to consider someone else daily, the ability to effectively communicate and problem solve, and constant self reflection to in order for it to be successful!  Each of those things builds character and stretches you as a human being!
  8. You want Security! Sure, we know you can protect yourself if you had to, you can wield a bat with the best of them, and you might even be able to shoot a gun; there is still something to be said, however, about the strength and the presence of a man.  Knowing that there is someone there to investigate the noise you heard downstairs, or catch the mouse that snuck through the cracks, provides a sense of security that is lacking without them there.  Not only that, there are things that other men won’t attempt with a man, or with a man around (like high-balling you at the car repair shop)—this happens frequently to single women.
  9. You want Better Health! Married couples have fewer health problems, get less chronic illnesses, and experience less stress; Who knows, maybe its because they have more and safer sex?
  10. You Want a Longer Life. With better health, comes a longer life.  Now tell me please, who, wouldn’t want that?pexels-photo-682952.jpegLet us know in the comments  if you think a man (or a husband, more specifically) is a need and why?

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Hey there, very pleased to meet you. I'm a mother and wife who finds time to write and share a glimpse of my life with the world. Here's to living Brilliantly! Enjoy

63 thoughts on “Do You NEED a Husband? 10 Reasons Why the Answer Might be YES!

  1. I can’t say I agree with this post, I’m sorry. I find your view antiquated and anti-feminist. Marriage doesn’t suit everyone (just look at the number of divorces each year), and it’s certainly not a necessity – individuals should be allowed to decide for themselves. Marriage is just a piece of paper, an expensive party and a title.

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  2. I don’t necessarily agree that marriage is for everyone- I actually like the idea of partnerships rather than the pressure and roles of marriage. I’’m really glad that I have my husband though, because he is such an incredible father to my children ❤️

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    1. I couldn’t agree with you more, marriage is certainly not for everyone and I don’t believe I’ve made that case in this piece. What I do think, however, is that for a great deal of people, marriage is an ideal circumstance and would benefit many if they prioritized it as such, instead of waiting for things to just happen.

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  3. Interesting thoughts! I’ve been happily married for 6 years but I don’t believe marriage is necessary for everyone. Now that’s I am married I can’t imagine my life without my hubby though 🙂

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    1. Nope, marriage is not for everyone. There many unhealthy individuals in the world that would simply destroy another person’s life if they attempted to co-mingle themselves permanently with someone else. There are other examples people who aren’t ideal candidates for marriage as well.

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  4. It’s so refreshing to have someone share how great it is to share your life with someone! Yes, it’s great to be single, yes it’s nice to be able to singularly make decisions BUT it’s also great to walk your life out with an amazing man! Awesome post!

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  5. These are great reasons one why finding a soulmate is important. As career oriented women, we have always focused on our job and hope to find the right guy soon.

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  6. Great thoughts that highlight the amazing benefits of marriage!! I love being married. But it for sure is not always easy!! I always like to say it’s always worth it though 🙂

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  7. I’m single for almost 24 years I just wanna say it’s hard to catch someones attention. for me it’s not an easy to find your true man or love one that can accept you for who you are. In this case I’ll grow up I need to learn to love myself before anything else. in your topic maybe someday I find my man that he can love for who I am.

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  8. I met my usband when I was 18, and I jknew he was the one. We’ve been together now for 20 years, and I’ve been longer with him than I’ve been without him! For me Icouldn’t imagine my life without my husband, all he does for me all he is and he means for me. I like to think we are special and we’ve been very lucky to find each other. Happily ever after marriages are not so frequent. In fact of all our friends we are the only ones to still stick together (how sad) some of our friends never got married and most of them have already diverced (some more than once!). I suppose the pattern for each person is unique and the decision to get married is so personal that there can’t be only one answer. Each person should live it as he/she feels.

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  9. We’ve been together for 16 years. We got marred way to young and that led to us being apart for a year, seven years in. But we came to realize we were meant to be together. That short stint as a single Mom showed me that it can be done. No, I don’t ‘need” him I guess, but why would I want to be without him? For all the reasons you listed and more I think I am much more fulfilled with this man in my life.

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  10. So many factors to consider before you say yes to the man that you’re dating. I think these are very good reasons to think about. When you’ve found the person you can see yourself with for the rest of your life, it just all falls into place.

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  11. I have been married for 6 years and I couldn’t be happier! While I never know what the future holds, I hope to be married to my husband for many years to come. 🙂

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  12. Great post! Loved your take on this. I am married for the 2nd time & don’t have a lot of experience being single. No married is perfect but I love that at the end of the day and life in general, there’s someone there at the finish line.

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  13. In my opinion most of what you listed above is only secondary to that one that completes you. We are longing for someone, believe it or not every one out there has got the right match, we stuff it up our selves when we try to force the issue. We should complement each other in the sense of two puzzle pieces. The rest is just benefits. Happily married for 15 years this month.

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    1. Hey, congratulations and Happy Anniversary– 15 years is no small feat! I get what you’re saying, but I’m not sure if I agree. I don’t believe only one other person in the entire Universe completes us, however, I do believe everyone has a soulmate and/or someone who is more perfect for us than others if you will. If there were only one other person in the world to “complete” us, there’d be no hope for divorcee’s or widows to find true love again.

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    1. You know what, I “sort of” feel that way too. I guess I look at it more like when you stop being desperate and become a little more chill about finding a partner, is when they come. I don’t want to confuse desperation with need though. Just because you put it in your mind that you need a spouse doesn’t mean act desperate—just means be pro-active and deliberate. That’s my take. Thanks love.

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  14. I think that every person in this world is allowed to decide for themselves. I don’t see marriage as stability to be honest, especially looking at hoe many divorces are there each year. Same with creating a family environment for a child… if there is no understanding and love between the parents and they stay together only for the child, then they are doing more bad than good. I think that it’s up to everyone to decide what is best for them. I honestly don’t believe in marriage, you can be as happy just by having a partner. Marriage is just a paper and a title.

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    1. If anyone is for people deciding their lives for themselves it’s me– so we are definitely on the same page there! I also agree that marriages can sometimes be bad, that’s why I was sure to clarify finding a healthy mate– and even then, marriages can still not be good for a myriad of reasons. You are correct that marriage is not the end all be all for everyone, but, it can be a positive thing for many. All I’ve done is just given some reasons to make people think on it in a different way. I appreciate your take on it though, there are many people out there who feel just like you.

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  15. I’m not married, but I have a wonderful partner who I want to start a family with. Love comes in all different packages, we’re not lonely, and marriage is beautiful, but it’s not for everyone 🙂

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    1. I agree. Marriage is not a good fit for everyone (for a multitude of reasons) and is absolutely a great deal of commitment, effort, and work. Just that fact alone cancels people out. At any rate, however, it sounds like you have one of the most important things going for you and that’s companionship and someone to share your love. I wish you two much continued happiness.

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      1. It requires as much work and effort, sure, I wouldn’t agree, however, that it holds the same weight in terms of commitment. Marriage takes the level of commitment to a height beyond that of just cohabitation or verbal acknowledgement. Just the legality alone makes it more binding and many people in this country understand and accept this notion– as evidenced by the decades long push for marriage equality.

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    1. Hey, thank you. I knew there would be those who would want to see just where I was getting my stance from and if it was credible or not. Of course I have sprinkled in some of my personal thoughts based on my own life experience and wisdom, but, the fact that people live better when they are married just cannot be denied. Thank you.

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  16. I think it’s so important to make the choices that are right for you and your family. I’m happily married but I have a friend and a family member who have no interest in the idea. Life is an adventure. You need to build something you’re happy with. There’s no one size fits all :).

    But if you want to get married and meet the right person for you then you definitely have an exciting path ahead of you.

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  17. I’m not married yet, though I am in a happy, healthy relationship. I think the most important thing is that you and your significant other are ready for the commitment of marriage before tying the knot.

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    1. Absolutely. I didn’t address that here so thank you for bringing that up. Coming to the realization that you need companionship is definitely not a pass to do so irresponsibly. In fact, that’s a sure path to messing it up!

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  18. I agree with much of this and how it’s more of a mental and societal hang up on my groups, but listing diseases and viruses doesn’t make finding a mate formidable as long as the person is upfront and honest. I happen to be one of those people and when I told my husband about my disease with tears in my eyes he said that he was more upset about the conversation because he thought I was going to break up with him after 5 days then he has ever been about my disease. It’s all about honesty and being able to accept yourself at least a little bit in order to let somebody else except you. That’s also when I knew I was going to marry him.

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    1. Can I just tell you how grateful I am to you for sharing this! In my opinion, I don’t think that having a disease or virus is a dealbreaker at all, I only listed it as possibly being a challenge because I know many people have closed minds or hang ups about it. In fact, I believe a lot of men and women would be accepting of such, but sometimes it’s the person who has the illness who’s too insecure to put themselves out there for fear of what a potential mate might think. I’m so glad you shed light on this and educated me more on this topic– much thanks!

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  19. Before I met my husband, I was not looking for a man. I didn’t feel the need for one (since my walk with God was extremely intimate and I considered myself married to the Lord). However, my husband is my best friend now and I love our family. I’m incredibly happy and blessed to have him… Yes, I would say I need him in my life.

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    1. In my opinion, if you will, I think a lot of women make that mistake. Being dedicated to God is one thing, but he also tells us in many ways of our need for a husband and for a husband’s need for a wife. I’m glad that you were able to reconcile your love of God with your carnal need for companionship– I think this is the most ideal way!

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  20. I met my husband when I was in high school. We got married years later when we realized we were both ready. When you meet someone so young, it is hard to stay together. But your reasons were great. We grew up and purposely grew together. It is always good to remind yourself why you need each other and to continue to work together.

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    1. Yes, young love is so very powerful, but challenging at best. I commend you two for working through the hard times, because it’s difficult to navigate the path to self discovery while being a two-some all at the same time. Whatever you do, I implore you to keep reminding yourself and each other just how much you need one another and to keep cultivating your love–it’ll be worth it when you look back. Much love to you both!

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  21. In my own experience, I got married before I was ready. You mentioned the brain not being fully developed and I suppose that was true for me. I married because that was what you are “supposed to do” and all of my friends were getting married. That marriage lasted less than 2 years. Fast forward to my 30s and I am now married to my soulmate and have two wonderful children. I was ready for a partner and all of the things you mention 😊

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    1. Yes, I definitely think there are pitfalls to getting married too young– we haven’t lived enough or experienced enough and are still trying to figure out who WE are. The added pressures of having to merge your life with someone else at that time (not to mention if you have a child) can sometimes prove to be far too much to handle at a young age. Still, I’m glad that you figured out enough to get it right the second time around. Best wishes to you two!

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