How to Handle Being Dumped—By a friend!

You would have thought I stole her boyfriend, well her husband rather, or left the backdoor of her townhouse open and let her dog run away.  I could see if I talked about her kid, or stole from her purse (do people still do that anymore), but I didn’t do any of those things; nothing even remotely close.  The truth is, I don’t know why she called it quits.  All that’s for certain is that she pushed me away with a laundry list of excuses, each time I texted or called.

giphy-11
“Girl!  I cannot believe you just said that.”

So, what did happen?  Well, from my perspective, we had a disagreement, somewhat like a debate, over an opposing philosophical view.  We were having lunch one day and I made a statement, to which she adamantly disagreed.  She countered, but I didn’t waver.  Finally, we hit a brick wall.   Next came silence– the awkward kind that takes too long to pass, but it did, and like real friends, we agreed to let it go.  Cool, or so I thought.

 

From my end, it was over!  She was my friend; friends sometimes disagree–move on.  That’s how I viewed it and when I called her later that evening , she claimed she felt the same way.  “It’s cool girl,” she said, before we hung up the phone, but her actions were more on par with ice!  She froze me out, gradually, until I got the subtle hint: my once dear friendship was no longer– it was a realization that truly hurt!

giphy-11
When your “friend” acts like they’re over it but they’re not!

I wish I could say that was an isolated incident, me losing a friend, but I can’t.  There was that time I lost touch with my  summer camp bestie, who became like a sister to me.  For three years, from sixth to ninth grade, we were inseparable at camp, then, we’d keep  in touch during the school year via letters and long distance calls (yeah, I’m ancient).  After advancing to high school, sadly, all of that changed.  We became inundated with the windy road of being a teenager and high school life, and eventually lost touch.  One day, a letter came back from her unopened, with no forwarding address; we lost contact after that.  It’s been almost thirty years, but I still think about my friend.  I still miss my friend, up till this day.  Years later, I experienced something similar, but as an adult.  My husband and I had just moved to a new city and I’d gone months without even a prospect for a friend.  You can imagine my elation, then, when a new family, with children similar in age to mine, moved in down the street– I was over the moon!   Our families click instantly and the wife and I became fast friends– it was wonderful!  Soon after, though, she unexpectedly became distant.  I had no clue as to why.  Then, less than a year after arriving, she and her family moved away.

giphy-9
“My only friend here just moved away!”

It’s a truth that’s not often acknowledged, but, loosing friends is painful, no matter what age we are.  In fact, who’s to say it doesn’t hurt more when we’re adults?  As grown-ups, we expect our peers to be able to communicate and to also be mature.  So many times, however, this just isn’t the case.  Adults still fall victim to petty disagreements and misjudge the value true friendship brings.  What I’ve learned, though, is that friendship is a maze– sometimes we do great at navigating through, other times we fail.  Regardless the outcome, however, there is always insight to be gained.

Here are five things you should know when it comes to losing a friend:

giphy-14
“All this time, I thought it was me…”
  1. It might not have anything to do with you– Don’t internalize! When friends get distant and we don’t know the reason, it’s common to question ourselves.  “Did I do something wrong?”  “Did I hurt her in some way?”  The uncertainty can surely push the envelope of self blame.  Truth is, sometimes people create distance because of their own personal issues that they can’t or don’t want to share.  An example of that is the friend I described earlier, who became very distant before moving away with her family.  Some years later, she contacted me and divulged that she and her husband were having deep marital issues that she didn’t want exposed at the time.  For her, it was easier to create distance between us, rather than risk  her marital problems being revealed.  Although I was sad to hear about her marriage, her admission brought relief.  Our “break-up” had absolutely nothing to do with me! had

    giphy-12
    My friend listening to my sorry excuse……
  2. It might have everything to do with you– Take accountability!  I once hurt a dear friend very deeply, by missing the birth of his first child; With no children of my own then, I simply did not grasp the magnitude of  that moment in his life.  When he brought it to my attention and explained how hurt he was, I had immediate remorse, but the damage was done.  On my end, it was a major friendship fail, but it happens.  None of us are perfect, which means we are all susceptible to being a not-so-great friend at times.  The key to growing in the friendship department, however, is acknowledging our missteps when they happen, and then applying the appropriate corrections going forward.
  3. Assess the Situation–Then, Accept it!  There’s this millennial saying that’s a  trite overused, but still powerfully true– “It is, what it is!”  No matter how badly someone wants it, if the other person involved no longer participates in, or desires the friendship, all one can do is accept it.  Friendships end; Sometimes someone is wronged, other times, the friendship has just run its course.  Seeing a friendship, or the loss of one, for what it is, may be difficult, but in order to grow and get to life’s next chapter, it’s often a necessary step to take!
  4. Grieve– you’ve experienced a loss!  It’s okay to cry over, think about, or miss someone with whom you shared a bond, regardless of the reasons why the person is no longer there.  Suppressing your feelings only stagnates the grief process.  Let those emotions out so you can deal with them and heal!giphy-13
  5. Move on and Grow from it! Instead of lingering and wallowing, choose to learn from the experience instead.  Consider ways you can be a better friend in the future; reexamine what you require in a friend.  Put greater emphasis on those friendships that remain solid.  Extend the hand of friendship to someone else.  Trust that all friendships, no matter their duration, are simply apart of your journey– use them as lessons that help you to grow!

Tell us, have you experienced losing a friend?  What was your experience, or the lesson you learned.  What advice would you give?  We want to hear from you!

Posted by

Hey there, very pleased to meet you. I'm a mother and wife who finds time to write and share a glimpse of my life with the world. Here's to living Brilliantly! Enjoy

31 thoughts on “How to Handle Being Dumped—By a friend!

  1. I have been there, being ditched by my best friend, Godmother to my daughter, and whose sons I am Godmother to, for no difinitve reason. I still have issues with the loss of this relationship I think because I have been unable to fully grieve the loss because I don’t know why the relationship ended. Maybe I’ll try some of your advice.

    Like

    1. First, I’m sorry that happened to you. Friends come into our lives and we just assume they will always be there, like family, because sometimes that’s just how close we get to them. It can be devastating when it doesn’t work out like that, so definitely grieve and keep the good memories. Just save some space for some new friendships to come.

      Like

  2. i have been in your shoes too. i know the pain of loosing friends. when a friend became the part of our family and one day for some reason we loose them, this is so sad experience even i can’t explain through comments.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sometimes I think the not knowing is the hardest, because you pick yourself and everything apart for the answers. I hope this article helps people with that. It’s okay not to know and definitely not a requirement for moving on.

      Like

  3. Losing friends isn’t fun at all. It can be just as hard as losing a significant other. But everything happens for a reason, so it is important to remember that you have to release the old in order to create space for the new to enter your life. You may not understand why something is happening in the moment but years down the road you will be able to look back and see the purpose behind this phase of life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally agree! There have been several relationships/friendships that I lost that really crushed me. Then, years later, I was able to see why the outcome was exactly what I needed, even though the process hurt. Indeed, everything happens for a reason!

      Like

  4. I have lost many friends throughout my life and it definitely is hard. It’s sad to when you run into them years later and both act like strangers and like you never knew each other. These are great advice on how to cope with it all!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, that’s sad– the pretending like we never even knew each other act. I guess it depends on why the friendship ended though; in some cases, I can see why an old friend might rather pretend like that friend doesn’t exist, LOL!

      Like

  5. it is super hard on me. I don’t have many friends but lately I actually been dumped by a friend. I am so sad but I can’t do anything about it. The main goal to me is to remember there is nothing wrong with me, we just grew up and became very different people, we no longer work together. I guess I am a boring person now

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It happens– sometimes friends grow apart for many different reasons and you’re right, sometimes we can’t do anything abut it but accept it. I’m sorry you lost your friend, but I assure you that there are people out there who would love your level of “boring”, LOL. Just keep living and being open to friendship. Good Luck.

      Like

  6. I’ve lost friends before. I’m pretty sure everyone has at some point or other. Even as adults, I’ve found friendships difficult to maintain after one person moves far away. It doesn’t help that it’s so much harder to make friends as adults.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is more difficult to make friends as an adult. By that time, most of us already have our friend circles in tact and aren’t as open to letting in newbies. It’s also a time where we are so occupied with daily life that we don’t have the time or energy to nurture new friendships, but, when we do find those adult friends who become keepers, we need to treasure them like gold!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s